Monday, 23 April 2012

oh yeah, this can be happening and totally is, so ive proper been on the war path lately, drinking myself stupid and getting mad over things id usually let simmer and im not sure if its good ro not good, i mean, could this be a new me where i dont take shit anymore or is it just the normal monthly hormones of a lady which i dont normally have problems with but suddenly pms is on the top of my pissed off list? i dunno, i could blame a few things i guess cuz its easy to shift blame from my actual personality but maybe thats just me, i dont ususally get so hammered so quick for one and i also usually dont get confrontational when something pisses me off.. i guess it could be a whole pile of things, pms, being sigle and getting treated like shit by any man i come across, living with my mum again.. i dunno but im still not sure if its a good thing, the crowd is mixed, some people think its a good thing cuz i take way to much shit and just feel sad about it rather than standing up and saying something but other people dont like it, the interesting thing is  that the people who dont like it are the people who are the ones that are making me feel like shit and a total waste of space so maybe its not a bad thing, all i know is that being single this time around is a lot harder than the last time, maybe because im not as skinny as i was then and im also 6 years older so maybe its harder to attract men who dont think im some sad fat old desperate lady cuz im far from desperate! i kinda just want things to be simple and easy and noone to complicate things, im not looking for a relationship but if one comes my way thats fine and if it doesnt thats fine too but being half in and half out not knowing whats going on is not my favourite thing. i think, ive been justified a bit in some of the things ive said to people over the last month but i also think i shouldnt drink so much that when i say it i come across as an angry bitch only saying things cuz shes drank to much cuz i would in fact say most things when im sober i just find it hard to be cold when im sober, i care too much and thats a serious issue for me bacause i end up in fucked up situations and with no way out, i need to be more picky about whos company i choose cuz not everyone is like me and people will try to take advantage, i knew this kinda stuff all along but never put it in place and ive no idea why?! maybe im afraid? but what of?!!